When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
