I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
