Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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