I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We have started to decorate penises.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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