The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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