Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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