so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
