Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
