I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
