I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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