I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
