so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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