he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
