You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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