I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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