Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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