A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
