Porn is love you can see.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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