He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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