how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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