Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
