So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize