I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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