The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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