There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is wine microwaveable?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
