Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
