You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
