This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
