so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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