The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
