do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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