I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
