i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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