Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
