Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
