is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
