she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
