I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
