I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
