you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
