it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
