Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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