All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize