She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
