he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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