So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
