We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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