i permit you to call me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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