I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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