i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
