Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize