My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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