Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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