Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
