babies were throwing up all over the place
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
