I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
