Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
