What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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