Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
