If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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