Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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