had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
