my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
